“The body is a sacred garment. It’s your first and last garment; it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, and it should be treated with honor.”
Martha Graham (American Dancer and Teacher; May 11th, 1894 to April 1st, 1991)
“Which comes first, learning to love our bodies or possessing a positive body image?”
“If you can learn to like how you look, and not the way you think you look, it can set you free.”
Gloria Steinem (American Journalist and Social Activist; March 25th, 1934)
“Don’t wait for the world to celebrate you. Carve your own niche. Focus on what’s great, forget what’s not. Find joy in your own reflection. Instead of obsessing about a body that’s impossible to achieve without a personal trainer, begin to discover how you can feel better about living in the on e you now inhabit.”
“A woman’s relationship with her body is the most important relationship she’ll ever have. More important than husband, lover, children, friends, colleagues. This isn’t selfishness–it’s just fact. The body is, quite literally, our vehicle for being–for giving, for loving, for moving, for feeling–and if it doesn’t work, it’s fairly certain that nothing else in our lives will work, either.”
Diana K. Roesch (Health & Fitness Expert; December 2nd, 1963)
“Today, instead of hating your body, make peace with it. Choose to consciously love and honor the sacred garment Spirit provided for this lifetime’s journey.”
“I am so appreciative that my genetics and health active lifestyle has yielded me youth beyond my years. I have always liked my body and valued the movement it has been able to experience. I have counseled many young teens to adult women on body image for over 30+ years. On this path, the main culprit preventing women from achieving their health and wellness goals has largely been their own invisible conversation in their head about body image and self-love. For those who were able to share honestly with me how they saw themselves, I was able to help be their advocate and accountability partner in changing both behavior and their physical appearance. For those looking for a gimmick or a quick fix, they largely stayed trapped in their own story and thus their insides tended to match there outsides. It is not magic, it IS self love and grace for the garment that the Universe gifted you to wear in this life journey. Take care of it and it will take care of you. Use it or lose it.”
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 116 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
Lyrics: Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn Everybody’s building ships and boats Some are building monuments Others jotting down notes Everybody’s in despair Every girl and boy But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here Everybody’s gonna jump for joy Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn I like to go just like the west, I like my sugar sweet But jumping queues and making haste Just ain’t my cup of meat Everyone’s beneath the trees feeding pigeons on a limb But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here All the pigeons gonna run to him Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn Let me do what I wanna do, I can’t decide at all Just tell me where to put it And I’ll tell you who to call Nobody can get no sleep, there’s someone on everyone’s toes But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here Everybody’s gonna want to doze Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn Come all without, come all within You’ll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn
#78 Woman, Woman (Gary Puckett and The Union Gap) 👍🏼
Lyrics: Woman Woman Have you got cheating on your mind? On your mind Something’s wrong between us That your laughter cannot hide And you’re afraid to let your eyes meet mine And lately when I love you I know you’re not satisfied Woman Woman Have you got cheating on your mind? On your mind I’ve seen the way men look at you When they think I don’t see And it hurts to have them think that you’re that kind But it’s knowing that you’re looking back That’s really killing me Woman Woman Have you got cheating on your mind? On your mind A woman wears a certain look When she is on the move And a man can always tell what’s on her mind I hate to have to say it But that look’s all over you Woman Woman Have you got cheating on your mind? Oh, woman Woman Have you got cheating on your mind? Oh, woman Oh, ho, woman Have you got cheating on your mind? Oh
“Listening to your heart is not simple. Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of hard work and courage to get to know who you are and what you want.”
Sue Bender (Author; Unknown)
“When the dark days come, we need to remember that even if a secret saboteur–depression–is at work temporarily derailing our progress (or so it seems), each day offers us a gift if we will only look for it.”
“All the best transformations are accompanied by pain. That’s the point of them.”
Fay WeldonCBE, FRSL (English Author, Essayist and Playwright; September 22nd, 1931 ~ )
“Personal growth also comes in spasms: three steps forward, two steps back, and then a long plateau when it seems as though nothing happening. But it’s important to realize that this dormant period always seems to precede a growth spurt. Unfortunately, during the dormant period we vey often become depressed and decide to give up.”
“When dark clouds hover, what should you do besides holding on and riding out the storm? You have two choices. One is simply to give in, stop resisting. You’ve got the blues, so sing them, baby. But before you do, ask for grace. Then have a good cry.”
“Dark days come to all of us. Yet discouraging days bring with them golden opportunities when we can learn to be kind to ourselves. Believe it or not, today offers you a hidden gift, if you are willing to search for it.”
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-24-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“When those dark days come, I often need an out loud crying moment. Then I need to seek out my partner to share. Usually if I speak my pain, within 24-hours, I am recharged to fight again.” (Heather Houston 3-24-22)
“Somedays feel like 3-steps forward and 2-steps back, and the truth it to stay the course and leave expectations sidelined. Committing to the process and BEing with the feels and occurrences as they unfold. I am here in the NOW and there is no other place to be.” (Heather Houston 3-24-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 90-92 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”
Judy Garland (American Actress and Singer; June 10th, 1922 ~ June 22nd, 1969)
“You see, whether we are consciously aware of it or not, we’re constantly programmed by the world to be other women, not ourselves. …With this pervasive social schizophrenia, it’s no wonder that most women are terribly confused about the issue of authenticity.”
“According to Webster’s Dictionary, to be authentic is to be ‘not imaginary, false or imitation.’ To be authentic is to be ‘genuine, veritable, bona fide, being actually and precisely what is claimed.’ The only thing that we can genuinely claim to be is ourselves. But our best is good enough, even on a bad day.”
“We are all hard on ourselves. We not only want to be other people, we want to be perfect versions of them.”
“We should only strive to be a first-rate version of ourselves. And our best is always good enough.”
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-23-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“Where do we learn this odd behavior of trying to be someone we are not. We reach for the ideal of being someone other than ourselves. I have spent a lifetime trying to be someone…anyone other than myself. Makes me sad to think I never thought I was enough.” (Heather Houston 3-23-22)
“Growing up in a family of quilters, the below quote speaks volumes to being your authentic self and that perfection is ridiculous…” (Heather Houston 3-23-26
“…Amish quilters will deliberately add a mismatched patch to each quilt to remind themselves that only Spirit can create perfectly/”
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 89-90 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
Why Self-Confidence Can’t Be Bought but Can Be Borrowed
“I was thought to be ‘stuck up.’ I wasn’t. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure.”
Ruth Elizabeth “Bette” Davis (American Actress; April 5th, 1908 ~ October 6th, 1989)
“It would be wonderful if we could simply waltz up to a counter and purchase a bottle of self-confidence the way we can buy ‘revitalizing’ or ‘performance’ creams for our faces. Unfortunatey this spiritual elixir, like an expensive perfume, is different on every woman because of individual chemistry.”
“I act as if I’m self-confident and the world takes me as such.”
“When you’re unsure of yourself but life requires you to be otherwise, it is comforting to remember that you can always borrow a self-confident attitude from your authentic self. …Our subconscious mind cannot distinguish between what’s real and what’s imaginary (which is why creative visualization works). If we act as if we’re confident, we become so.”
“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Anna Eleanor Roosevelt (c, Diplomat, and Activist; October 11th, 1884 ~ November 7th, 1962)
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-22-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“I love to borrow my self-confidence from my dominant side of my personality all of the time. BRILLIANT!” (Heather Houston 3-22-22)
“I am leaning into my self-confidence much more these days as I now live from my dominant self which is so authentic and natural for me. When I stay in the “sexy, hot, fun chic” arena, the world unfolds for me newly and powerfully.” (Heather Houston 3-22-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 88-89 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
“My after forty face felt far more comfortable than anything I lived with previously. Self-confidence was a powerful beauty-potion. Failure and grief as well as success and love had served me well. Finally, I was tapping into that most hard-won of youth dews: wisdom.”
Nancy A. Collins (American Horror Fiction Writer; September 10th, 1959)
“Many women confuse self-esteem with self-confidence. For me, self-esteem is how we really feel about ourselves in the secret sanctuary of our soul. Do we love, accept, and approve of ourselves unconditionally? Do we believe that we are worthy of the love of others and the best that life has to offer? The quality of our self-esteem is very deeply connected to the relationship with our first and most important critics, our parents. If they unconditionally loved, accepted, and approved of us, then we probably do, too.”
“But self-confidence is a special elixir that Spirit has prepared to help each of us face and surmount the challenges of life. It’s an aromatic blending of invigorating essences: attitude, experience, knowledge, wisdom, optimism, and faith.If we were fortunate enough to grow up in loving, supportive homes and our self-esteem is strong, we learned our own homeopathic formula early. If we did not, then we need to learn how to mix our own custom blend. What’s important to realize is that self-confidence is available to all of us.”
“An optimistic attitude is essential to self-confidence. So is learning from our mistakes and recognizing that everything in life can be used as a lesson once we are willing to be taught.”
“If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Mary Kay Ash (American Businesswoman and Founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, Inc.; May 12th, 1918 ~ November 22nd, 2001)
“Today, tell yourself that you can do anything you want to do. Because you can. Like an expensive perfume, only a smidgen of self-confidence is needed to embrace a woman’s authentic aura.”
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-21-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“It is crazy to read this as I know my upbringing led to my low self-esteem…UGH!. However, I have an intention to build my self-confidence, which is in my control. The most important point I gathered from today’s reading was being willing to be taught from the lessons of life. I need to be ready to drop my story and put myself forth newly. This is scary territory to navigate, and I am willing to try.” (Heather Houston 3-21-22)
“As I chosen to embark on a healing journey with Prolonged Exposure (PE) Therapy to address my PTSD trauma, I realize I have not been wrong all these years wondering if it was me or them. Apparently, it was not me and I was the victim. As a survivor of sexual assault, I commit to this journey to face my fears, banish my shame and come out the other side reborn, newly with love in my heart and love in my life. Honestly, I am a bit scared and anxious and I think that is normal and healthy. Facing challenges in a new way so they lose their power over me is a new idea and it it is worth exploring so I can finally live free.” (Heather Houston 3-21-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 87-88 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
“Don’t you love it when some incredibly beautiful woman like Linda Evans or Cindy Crawford tells us that the real beauty secret is finding your inner light? No shit. But I’ve done the dame things these women have done to find my inner light and while it’s true I’m happier, I still don’t look lie them.”
Marianne Deborah Williamson (American Author, Spiritual Leader, and Political Activist; July 8th, 1952)
“We can’t all look like Linda Evans or Condy Crawford, but we can each look our best. Simplicity plays a part in striking the right chord of self. This occurs naturally as we begin to rethink how to put together our best look. Our authentic look. Gradually we learn that the ‘less is more’ approach applies to makeup and fashion as well as to decorating and entertaining.”
“Ironically, this desire to look our best comes after we have committed to our inner work. As we go within, searching for spiritual groth, we begin to blossom on the outside. Time well spent in meditation gives us more serenity, and it shows on our faces. Learning to love ourselves exactly as we are gives us motivation to move forward…”
“Why does working on our inner beauty produce outward charm? Perhaps it is because the two are inexorably connected.”
“As is inner, so is the outer.”
Gnostic axiom
“Women who realize thei full potential delight the Great Creator with their brilliance.”
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-20-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“I have mostly ignored or underestimated my outer beauty. My story whispered to me that I was unlovable, unworthy, not enough. I pursued my inner beauty in hopes of others seeing me and being able to overlook my outward packaging. Ho-Hum…not what I wanted my life to be. I want to feel beautiful inside and out. I strive to work on my own self-image daily.” (Heather Houston 3-20-22)
“I am really at a point where I genuinely like my inside and out. With love in my life for the first time where I can give it freely and receive it without reasons, I am feeling happier and more beautiful than ever. I really love my 50s and my 60s are going to be smashing!”
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 86-87 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
Mary Therese McCarthy (American Novelist, Critic and Political Activist; June 21st, 1912 ~ October 25th, 1989)
“In every one of us there lies a sleeping beauty waiting to be awakened through love. Because she has dlumbered for so long, she must be awakened very gently. But instead of waiting for Prince Charming to storm the palace gates, you must summon the magic powers of your authentic self to break any cruel enchantment that has left you unaware of your own glory.”
“It’s hard to tell our cad luck from our good luck sometimes. Hard to tell sometimes for many years to come. And most of us have wept copious tears over someone or something when if we’d understood the situationbetter we might have celebrated our good fortune instead.”
Merle Shain (Canadian Author and Journalist; 1935 ~ 1989)
“What was your spindle? Was there a moment when you pricked yourself and fell into a deep slumber? Or did you just slowly shut down? Perhaps the cruel enchantment was caused by overly critical parents,…”
“It is time to awaken, sleeping beauty. Your creativity, imagination, and authentic sense of style are far superior to any sorcerer’s spell, no matter how strong.”
“One can never change the past, only the hold it has on you, and while nothing in your life is reversible, you can reverse it nevertheless.”
Merle Shain (Canadian Author and Journalist; 1935 ~ 1989)
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-18-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“My finger prick moment happened shortly after the picture above…around 3-4 years old. My parents were showing pictures of myself and my brother as newborns. My parents shared with my aunts and uncles how “squished” I was from birth and that my father thought I looked like a monkey. From then on, I made up meaning about this moment. I believed that the two most important people in my life who was supposed to love me, left me distrusting of love and I labeled myself as not human and not enough. I have lived in that context my whole life. Very sad to admit, but I believe now that the past doesn’t exist and I no longer have to be trapped by this unreality. I must work on this every day…every moment to remind myself that I am worthy…even to myself.” (Heather Houston 3-18-22)
“I recently read an article in Psychology Today about Cold Mother/Parent Syndrome and how it affects their children. Both my brother and I experienced many of the symptoms from our childhood. My brother took on some variations different from my own likely due to his birth number, him being male and him being a planned birth. However, below are only a few of the symptoms I experienced and how I interpret my brother’s experience. This sharing an awareness is not to be malicious, and it is necessary to name it to move past it. I can’t control others and how they take responsibility for their own baggage. I do have a responsibility to myself and those I love to process and move through this pain and drop the expectations of a relationship that really doesn’t exist on a substantive level. I was the catalyst that changed my parents life and dreams. My mother especially shared how I came along and prevented her from pursuing medical school. My brother was the perfect Gerber baby and I felt invisible. I resented my brother for so long and didn’t realize we were both just surviving in an unhealthy relationship with our mother and father. Even as I write this I mourn that I am not a priority to my mother. She has excuses for why she is unable to communicate and share with me. This is nothing new, excuses are the reasons for her lack of loving behavior. She has not put in the time to work on her own baggage with her own mother who also perpetuated the Cold Mother Syndrome. This is a generational trauma that just keeps getting passed to each new generation. I am naming it and speak the truth loudly to attempt to prevent this cycle from repeating. Maybe seven generations forward, this trauma will be healed and for now, I am committed to healing myself.” (Heather Houston 3-18-26)
“Cold mother syndrome describes a pattern of parenting marked by emotional unavailability, distance and neglect, leaving their children feeling neglected, unimportant, and unloved. This causes severe, long-term psychological damage to a child’s self-esteem, attachment, and development. It is recognized as a profound form of childhood trauma and relational trauma.”(Heather Houston 3-18-26)
“SIGNS
Emotional Distance/Lack of Affection: Unresponsive to a child’s emotions or needs, often appearing cold or distant.
Robotic Interaction: Parenting is often transactional, appearing cold, rigid, or inauthentic, like wearing a ‘mask.’
Victim Mentality: A tendency to act as the victim if confronted about their emotional distance.
Lack of Empathy: A tendency to struggle to understand how their own children are feeling and may not seem to care or act to help with their own children’s needs and emotions.
Disengagement: Not showing interest in their children or adult children’s activities, hobbies, or achievements.
Rarely Offering Praise or Support: Rarely encourage or acknowledge their children’s successes to the children. Transactional praise to others to uplift their own self-interests.
CAUSES
While not an excuse for abuse, potential reasons for this behavior often stem from the mother’s own history, including her own upbringing with unavailable parents, a history of trauma, and/or a lack of developed emotional intelligence.
Unresolved Past Trauma: Parents who’ve experienced trauma in their own lives may have difficulty forming emotional connections with their children.
🧠I believe my mom suffers from past traumas which are completely unknown to myself as she has never shared her own challenges growing up and through adulthood.
Mental Health Issues: Conditions such a depression, anxiety, or personality disorders can impact a parent’s ability to engage emotionally with their children. This can lead to the parent becoming unresponsive to their children’s needs.
🧠I have considered for a long time that my mother suffers from depression.
Lack of Emotional Awareness: Some people, especially those who had emotionally withdrawn parents themselves, may not know how to express their feelings. This can make it difficult for them to be there for their own children.
🧠My mom was the oldest of 8 children and I definitely see how she too was forced into roles at young age when she needed more emotional support. I remember hearing my mom speak about having to help raise her siblings and that when she left for college she felt resentment from her own mother.
EFFECTS
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Children often grow up feeling unlovable or unworthy of affection.
Attachment Issues: Struggles with forming close trusting relationships, often experiencing fear of intimacy or fear of abandonment.
Emotional Dysregulation; Difficulty recognizing or expressing emotions in healthy ways.
Mental Health Issues: Increased risk of depression, anxiety, and complex PTSD (CPTSD).
Physical Health Issues: Potential for higher stress levels and faster cellular aging due to chronic stress.
Perfectionism or Overachievement: In an attempt to gain their parent’s approval or compensate for the lack of affection, some children might push themselves to excel at the expense of their own wellbeing.
Chronic Feelings of Loneliness and Isolation: Children who don’t receive adequate emotional support from their parents might grow up struggling to feel connected to others.
HOW TO HEAL
Seek Therapy: Professional help, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help treat the trauma and develop emotional intelligence.✅
Reframe Your Narrative: Shift you perspective from being ‘unworthy’ to realizing that neglect was not your fault.✅
Establish Boundaries: Protect your emotional well-being by setting firm, healthy boundaries with the parent.✅
Practice Self-Care: Focus on nurturing yourself and building a healthy, loving inner life.✅
Build a Supportive Community: Cultivate relationships with friends and family who provide the warmth and validation you didn’t receive growing up.✅
CAN A COLD PARENT CHANE THEIR BEHAVIOR?
They can change their behavior, although it requires awareness, effort, and, oftentimes, professional support. Many people don’t change their behavior. However, if they’re going to try to change, the first step is recognizing their actions and the impact they’ve had on their own children and the people around them. Professional help can help address underlying issues, such as past traumas, mental health problems, etc.” (Heather Houston 3-18-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 84-85 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
“If you want to find the answers to the Big Questions about your soul, you’d best begin with the Little Answers about your body.”
George A. Sheehan (Physician, Senior Athlete and Author; November 5th, 1918 ~ November 1st, 1993)
“Like all of us, you see yourself in the mirror every day. But when was the last time you nodded your head in approval at what you saw? Today, I’d like to ask you to try something radically different: look at yourself lovingly and begin to appreciate what you see.”
“This exercise is more than just skin deep because I want you to take an inventory of what you like about yourself. Most of us are very quick to criticize ourselves. We’re always finding things wrong with the way we look. Today we’re going to discover and give thanks for what pleases us.”
“Tonight, set aside an hour to celebrate how marvelous you really are. …Ask your authentic self to bring to your conscious mind all the special things you should discover tonight. …In your most nurturing voice, tell yourself aloud how wonderful you are. …take a compassionate look at yourself in the mirror. Continue to gaze approvingly into the mirror until you find ten things that you absolutely love about your face and your body…Write all ten down in your gratitude journal. Now think about aspects of your personality that you like. …Write it all down. Do not stop until you have at least ten things about your personality for which to be grateful. Now record them all in your gratitude journal.
“And if you think you can’t find twenty things to love about yourself, go back to the mirror. Do this exercise every day until you can. …Today, be willing to search genuinely for your glorious possibilities and rejoice in your divine authenticity.
“Nature never repeats herself and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another.”
Elizabeth Cady Stanton (American Writer and Activist who was a leader of the women’s rights movement in the U.S. during the mid- to late-19th century; November 12th, 1815 ~ October 26th, 1902)
“Before my story began…” (Heather 3-16-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
Ten Things I like About My Body: (Heather Houston 3-16-22)
I love my blue eyes.
I love that I have actual free hanging ear lobes.
I love my hair color when it is dyed black and blue.
I love my hands and fingers.
I love my breasts…Epic!
I love my nipples…Brilliant!
I love my belly button.
I love the ratio of my labia majora to labia minor…Perfection!
I love my ass.
I love my feet.
I love the silky soft soles of my feet…no hard callouses.
Ten Things I like About My Personality:y: (Heather Houston 3-16-22)
I love my sense of humor.
I love that I am kind.
I love that I am generous.
I love that I am thoughtful.
I love that I am integral.
I love that I am intelligent.
I love my appreciation for all music.
I love that I feel fulfillment from being of service to others.
I love that I am loving.
I love that I am logical.
I love that I am warm and approachable to others.
I read the above list and still feel the same about what I love about my physical body and my personality. (Heather Houston 3-16-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 82-83 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
My Distilled Life 