“To choose clothes, either in a store or at home, is to define and describe ourselves.”
Alison Lurie (American Novelist and Academic; September 3rd, 1926 ~ December 20th, 2020)
“Long before I am near enough to talk to you on the street, in a meeting, or at a party, you announce your sex, age and class to me through what you are wearing–and very possibly give me important information (or misinformation) as to your occupation, origin, personality, opinions, tastes, sexual desires and current mood. I may not be able to put what I observe into words, but I register the information unconsciously; and you simultaneously do the same for me. By the time we meet and converse we have already spoken to each other in an older and more uiversal tongue.”
Alison Lurie (American Novelist and Academic; September 3rd, 1926 ~ December 20th, 2020)
“At first this revelation can be disconcerting, even discouraging. But on reflection, it can be an exciting discovery because now that you’re authenticity beginning to cherish and channel your authenticity through creative choices, you can learn how to become not only bilingual but fluent in expressing yourself.”
“How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.”
Gabrielle Bonheur“Coco” Chanel (French Fashion Designer and Businesswoman; August 19th, 1883 ~ January 10th, 1971)
“Before my story began…: (Heather Houston 3-26-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“I feel ashamed that my clothes do not reveal my authentic self. I say I want to be authentic, but from a mile away they do not reflect me at all. I need to work to change that.” (Heather Houston 3-26-22)
“I have not made much room on this in the past 4 years, and I am discovering myself culturally, As such, I am waiting to see what unfolds after I attend the Indigenous conference in Oklahoma. I think the connect with my community will unfold some parts of me that have been dormant.”(Heather Houston 3-26-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 92-93 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
Lyrics: I take two, okay You say you want a revolution Well, you know We all want to change the world You tell me that it’s evolution Well, you know We all wanna change the world But when you talk about destruction Don’t you know that you can count me out, in Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) You say you got a real solution Well, you know We’d all love to see the plan You ask me for a contribution Well, you know We all doing what we can But if you want money for people with minds that hate All I can tell is, brother, you have to wait Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) You say you’ll change the constitution Well, you know We’d all love to change your head (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) You tell me it’s the institution Well, you know You better free your mind instead (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) If you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao You ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) Don’t you know it’s gonna be all right? (Ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All, all, all, all (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All, all, all, all right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All right, all right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All right, all right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All right, all right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All right, all right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All right, all right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah) All right, all right (ah, shu-bi-do, ah)
Lyrics: A long time ago, when the earth was still green And there were more kinds of animals than you’ve ever seen They’d run around free while the earth was being born But the loveliest of all was the unicorn There was green alligators and long-necked geese Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you’re born The loveliest of all was the unicorn Now god seen some sinnin’ and it gave him pain And he says, “stand back, I’m going to make it rain” He says, “hey, brother Noah, I’ll tell you what to do Build me a floating zoo” And take some of them green alligators and long-necked geese Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you’re born Don’t you forget my unicorn” Old Noah was there to answer the call He finished up making the ark just as the rain started fallin’ He marched in the animals two by two And he called out as they went through “Hey, Lord” I’ve got your green alligators and long-necked geese Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord, I’m so forlorn I just can’t see no unicorn” Then Noah looked out through the driving rain Them unicorns was hiding, playing silly games Kicking and splashing while the rain was pouring Oh, them silly unicorns There was green alligators and long-necked geese Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees Noah cried, “close the doors ’cause the rain is pourin’ And we just can’t wait for no unicorns” The ark started movin’, it drifted with the tide Them unicorns looked up from the rock and they cried And the waters came down and sort of floated them away And that’s why you’ll never see a unicorn, to this very day You’ll see green alligators and long-necked geese Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you’re born You’re never gonna see no unicorn
“Repose is a quality too many undervalue. …In the clamor one is irresistibly drawn to the woman who sits gracefully relaxed, who keeps her hands still, talks in a low voice and listens with responsive eyes and smiles. She creates a spell around her, charming to the ear, the eye and the mind.”
Good Housekeeping (November 1947)
“We have all met her, that special woman who draws you into her orb with a radiant smile. Her eyes light up as you tell her how you’ve been. She attracts men, women, children, and animals, for her complete attention is soothing and hypnotic. When you walk away from her you feel as if you have been bathed in a beautiful warm light.”
“You have. It’s called Love, and this ancient beauty secret is available to all of us. When we are genuinely interested in others, a graciousness comes over us that is compelling.
“She did not talk to people as if they were strange hard shells she had to crack open to get inside. She talked as if she were already in the shell. In their very shell.”
Marita Bonner (known as: Marieta Bonner) (American Writer, Essayist, and Playwright; June 16th, 1899 ~ December 6th, 1971)
“Would that each of us were such a woman. Would that each of us could become one. We can. …by taking the time to step outside our own sphere to embrace others, we open ourselves up to the power of Spirit. We are suddenly lit up from inside, and this illumination can transform our looks more effectively than any fancy salon beauty makeover.”
Today, as as if you are a woman with repose of the soul. Greet everyone you meet with a warm smile. …don’t rush your encounters. Speak softly. Listen attentively. Act as if every conversation you have is the most important thing on your mind today. Look…your partner in the eyes when they talk to you. …caress the dog. Lavish love on every living being you meet. See how different you feel at the end of the day.”
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-19-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“I see parts of me in this charismatic space from time to time. I am already very warm and approachable, which lends itself to this space with others. I think I miss it sometimes as I am oblivious. I need to be more intentional about how I engage with others.” (Heather Houston 3-19-22)
“Repose of the soul is what my husband reminds me of everyday. He says I am a sexy hot fun chic and completely irresistible when I don’t hide. I have spent most of my life hiding behind not being lovable or worthy. No longer. UNLEASH THE SNOW LEOPARD!” (Heather Houston 3-19-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 85-86 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
#69 The Fool On The Hill (Sergio Mendes & Brasil ’66) 👍🏼
Lyrics: Day after day alone on a hill The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still But nobody wants to know him they can see that he’s just a fool And he never gives an answer but the fool on the hill Sees the sun going down and the eyes in his head See the world… spinning round… Well on the way his head in a cloud The man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud But nobody ever hears him or the sounds he appears to make And he never seems to notice but the fool on the hill Sees the sun going down and the eyes in his head See the world… spinning round… But nobody seems to like him They can tell what he wants to do And he never shows his feelings but the fool on the hill Sees the sun going down and the eyes in his head See the world… spinning round…
Mary Therese McCarthy (American Novelist, Critic and Political Activist; June 21st, 1912 ~ October 25th, 1989)
“In every one of us there lies a sleeping beauty waiting to be awakened through love. Because she has dlumbered for so long, she must be awakened very gently. But instead of waiting for Prince Charming to storm the palace gates, you must summon the magic powers of your authentic self to break any cruel enchantment that has left you unaware of your own glory.”
“It’s hard to tell our cad luck from our good luck sometimes. Hard to tell sometimes for many years to come. And most of us have wept copious tears over someone or something when if we’d understood the situationbetter we might have celebrated our good fortune instead.”
Merle Shain (Canadian Author and Journalist; 1935 ~ 1989)
“What was your spindle? Was there a moment when you pricked yourself and fell into a deep slumber? Or did you just slowly shut down? Perhaps the cruel enchantment was caused by overly critical parents,…”
“It is time to awaken, sleeping beauty. Your creativity, imagination, and authentic sense of style are far superior to any sorcerer’s spell, no matter how strong.”
“One can never change the past, only the hold it has on you, and while nothing in your life is reversible, you can reverse it nevertheless.”
Merle Shain (Canadian Author and Journalist; 1935 ~ 1989)
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-18-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“My finger prick moment happened shortly after the picture above…around 3-4 years old. My parents were showing pictures of myself and my brother as newborns. My parents shared with my aunts and uncles how “squished” I was from birth and that my father thought I looked like a monkey. From then on, I made up meaning about this moment. I believed that the two most important people in my life who was supposed to love me, left me distrusting of love and I labeled myself as not human and not enough. I have lived in that context my whole life. Very sad to admit, but I believe now that the past doesn’t exist and I no longer have to be trapped by this unreality. I must work on this every day…every moment to remind myself that I am worthy…even to myself.” (Heather Houston 3-18-22)
“I recently read an article in Psychology Today about Cold Mother/Parent Syndrome and how it affects their children. Both my brother and I experienced many of the symptoms from our childhood. My brother took on some variations different from my own likely due to his birth number, him being male and him being a planned birth. However, below are only a few of the symptoms I experienced and how I interpret my brother’s experience. This sharing an awareness is not to be malicious, and it is necessary to name it to move past it. I can’t control others and how they take responsibility for their own baggage. I do have a responsibility to myself and those I love to process and move through this pain and drop the expectations of a relationship that really doesn’t exist on a substantive level. I was the catalyst that changed my parents life and dreams. My mother especially shared how I came along and prevented her from pursuing medical school. My brother was the perfect Gerber baby and I felt invisible. I resented my brother for so long and didn’t realize we were both just surviving in an unhealthy relationship with our mother and father. Even as I write this I mourn that I am not a priority to my mother. She has excuses for why she is unable to communicate and share with me. This is nothing new, excuses are the reasons for her lack of loving behavior. She has not put in the time to work on her own baggage with her own mother who also perpetuated the Cold Mother Syndrome. This is a generational trauma that just keeps getting passed to each new generation. I am naming it and speak the truth loudly to attempt to prevent this cycle from repeating. Maybe seven generations forward, this trauma will be healed and for now, I am committed to healing myself.” (Heather Houston 3-18-26)
“Cold mother syndrome describes a pattern of parenting marked by emotional unavailability, distance and neglect, leaving their children feeling neglected, unimportant, and unloved. This causes severe, long-term psychological damage to a child’s self-esteem, attachment, and development. It is recognized as a profound form of childhood trauma and relational trauma.”(Heather Houston 3-18-26)
“SIGNS
Emotional Distance/Lack of Affection: Unresponsive to a child’s emotions or needs, often appearing cold or distant.
Robotic Interaction: Parenting is often transactional, appearing cold, rigid, or inauthentic, like wearing a ‘mask.’
Victim Mentality: A tendency to act as the victim if confronted about their emotional distance.
Lack of Empathy: A tendency to struggle to understand how their own children are feeling and may not seem to care or act to help with their own children’s needs and emotions.
Disengagement: Not showing interest in their children or adult children’s activities, hobbies, or achievements.
Rarely Offering Praise or Support: Rarely encourage or acknowledge their children’s successes to the children. Transactional praise to others to uplift their own self-interests.
CAUSES
While not an excuse for abuse, potential reasons for this behavior often stem from the mother’s own history, including her own upbringing with unavailable parents, a history of trauma, and/or a lack of developed emotional intelligence.
Unresolved Past Trauma: Parents who’ve experienced trauma in their own lives may have difficulty forming emotional connections with their children.
🧠I believe my mom suffers from past traumas which are completely unknown to myself as she has never shared her own challenges growing up and through adulthood.
Mental Health Issues: Conditions such a depression, anxiety, or personality disorders can impact a parent’s ability to engage emotionally with their children. This can lead to the parent becoming unresponsive to their children’s needs.
🧠I have considered for a long time that my mother suffers from depression.
Lack of Emotional Awareness: Some people, especially those who had emotionally withdrawn parents themselves, may not know how to express their feelings. This can make it difficult for them to be there for their own children.
🧠My mom was the oldest of 8 children and I definitely see how she too was forced into roles at young age when she needed more emotional support. I remember hearing my mom speak about having to help raise her siblings and that when she left for college she felt resentment from her own mother.
EFFECTS
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Children often grow up feeling unlovable or unworthy of affection.
Attachment Issues: Struggles with forming close trusting relationships, often experiencing fear of intimacy or fear of abandonment.
Emotional Dysregulation; Difficulty recognizing or expressing emotions in healthy ways.
Mental Health Issues: Increased risk of depression, anxiety, and complex PTSD (CPTSD).
Physical Health Issues: Potential for higher stress levels and faster cellular aging due to chronic stress.
Perfectionism or Overachievement: In an attempt to gain their parent’s approval or compensate for the lack of affection, some children might push themselves to excel at the expense of their own wellbeing.
Chronic Feelings of Loneliness and Isolation: Children who don’t receive adequate emotional support from their parents might grow up struggling to feel connected to others.
HOW TO HEAL
Seek Therapy: Professional help, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help treat the trauma and develop emotional intelligence.✅
Reframe Your Narrative: Shift you perspective from being ‘unworthy’ to realizing that neglect was not your fault.✅
Establish Boundaries: Protect your emotional well-being by setting firm, healthy boundaries with the parent.✅
Practice Self-Care: Focus on nurturing yourself and building a healthy, loving inner life.✅
Build a Supportive Community: Cultivate relationships with friends and family who provide the warmth and validation you didn’t receive growing up.✅
CAN A COLD PARENT CHANE THEIR BEHAVIOR?
They can change their behavior, although it requires awareness, effort, and, oftentimes, professional support. Many people don’t change their behavior. However, if they’re going to try to change, the first step is recognizing their actions and the impact they’ve had on their own children and the people around them. Professional help can help address underlying issues, such as past traumas, mental health problems, etc.” (Heather Houston 3-18-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 84-85 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
Lyrics: (I want everybody to get up off your seat And get your arms together, and your hands together And give me some of that o-o-old soul clapping) You didn’t have to love me like you did But you did, but you did And I thank you You didn’t have to squeeze me like you did But you did, but you did And I thank you If you took your love to somewhere else I wouldn’t know what it meant to be loved to death You made me feel like I’ve never felt Kisses so good I had to holler for help You didn’t have to squeeze me but you did But you did but you did And I thank you You didn’t have to hold me but you did But you did but you did And I thank you Every day was something new You pull out your bag and your fine to-do You got me trying new things too Just so I can keep up with you You didn’t have to shake me like you did But you did but you did And I thank you You didn’t have to make it like you did But you did but you did And I thank you All my life I’ve been shortchanged Without your love baby, it’s a crying shame And now I know what the fellas are talking about When they say that they been turned out I want to thank you (thank you) Thank you (oh, baby) Thank you baby (yeah, yeah) Oh baby (I gotta be thanking) Got to say You didn’t have to love me like you did But you did, but you did. (And I thank you.) You didn’t have to hold me like you did But you did, but you did. (And I thank you.) Thank you (thank you, baby) Baby (Got to thank you) Baby (oh, baby) Thank! I’ve! Got! I’ve got to (thank you baby) Thank you baby (oh baby)
“If you want to find the answers to the Big Questions about your soul, you’d best begin with the Little Answers about your body.”
George A. Sheehan (Physician, Senior Athlete and Author; November 5th, 1918 ~ November 1st, 1993)
“Like all of us, you see yourself in the mirror every day. But when was the last time you nodded your head in approval at what you saw? Today, I’d like to ask you to try something radically different: look at yourself lovingly and begin to appreciate what you see.”
“This exercise is more than just skin deep because I want you to take an inventory of what you like about yourself. Most of us are very quick to criticize ourselves. We’re always finding things wrong with the way we look. Today we’re going to discover and give thanks for what pleases us.”
“Tonight, set aside an hour to celebrate how marvelous you really are. …Ask your authentic self to bring to your conscious mind all the special things you should discover tonight. …In your most nurturing voice, tell yourself aloud how wonderful you are. …take a compassionate look at yourself in the mirror. Continue to gaze approvingly into the mirror until you find ten things that you absolutely love about your face and your body…Write all ten down in your gratitude journal. Now think about aspects of your personality that you like. …Write it all down. Do not stop until you have at least ten things about your personality for which to be grateful. Now record them all in your gratitude journal.
“And if you think you can’t find twenty things to love about yourself, go back to the mirror. Do this exercise every day until you can. …Today, be willing to search genuinely for your glorious possibilities and rejoice in your divine authenticity.
“Nature never repeats herself and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another.”
Elizabeth Cady Stanton (American Writer and Activist who was a leader of the women’s rights movement in the U.S. during the mid- to late-19th century; November 12th, 1815 ~ October 26th, 1902)
“Before my story began…” (Heather 3-16-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
Ten Things I like About My Body: (Heather Houston 3-16-22)
I love my blue eyes.
I love that I have actual free hanging ear lobes.
I love my hair color when it is dyed black and blue.
I love my hands and fingers.
I love my breasts…Epic!
I love my nipples…Brilliant!
I love my belly button.
I love the ratio of my labia majora to labia minor…Perfection!
I love my ass.
I love my feet.
I love the silky soft soles of my feet…no hard callouses.
Ten Things I like About My Personality:y: (Heather Houston 3-16-22)
I love my sense of humor.
I love that I am kind.
I love that I am generous.
I love that I am thoughtful.
I love that I am integral.
I love that I am intelligent.
I love my appreciation for all music.
I love that I feel fulfillment from being of service to others.
I love that I am loving.
I love that I am logical.
I love that I am warm and approachable to others.
I read the above list and still feel the same about what I love about my physical body and my personality. (Heather Houston 3-16-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 82-83 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
“Any little bit of experimenting in self-nurturance is very frightening for most of us. There is a connection between self-nurturing and self-respect.”
Julia B. Cameron (American Teacher, Author, artist, poet, playwright, novelist, filmmaker, pigeon fancier, composer, and journalist; March 4th, 1948 ~ )
“Perhaps we are all Scrooges when it comes to self-nurturing because if we were kind to ourselves, our creativity might begin to blossom like a plant moving toward the light. Of course, this would mean we’d want to make some changes in our lives, and we all know how we feel about changes, even positive ones. We may be in a rut, but at least our own familiar grooves are comforting in their own insidious fashion.”
“The way to take giant leaps and strides toward authenticity, however, is through small changes.”
“True life is lived when tiny changes occur.”
Count Lev “Leo” Nikolayevich Tolstoy (Russian Writer; September 9th, 1828 ~ November 20th, 1910)
“Today, make a list of ten nice things you could do for yourself. Now select one and do it.”
“Before my story began…” (Heather Houston 3-15-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
Ten Nice Things To Do For Myself: (Heather Houston 3-15-22)
Pedicure
Manicure
Color Hair
Buy Conditioner
Buy Leave-In Conditioner
Face Mask
Go See A Movie
Make Myself A Cocktail (Pour an apple whiskey on the rocks) 3-15-22
Listen To Fun Music
Take A Nap.
Ten Nice Things To Do For Myself: (Heather Houston 3-15-26)
Pedicure
Manicure
Buy Conditioner
Purchase 2 Boxes to hold our Malaysian/India Spices and Mexican Spices
Schedule therapist appointments to deal with past trauma. ✅
Purchase indigenous medicines at the NICWA conference in Oklahoma.
Exercise a minimum of 5 days/week.
Bake 1x/week.
Practice my violin.
Plan to get motorcycle to the shop to get a tune-up and repair the speaker system.
It seems some things keep reoccurring as I am not following through with nurturing myself.
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 81-82 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
A Radiant Reflection: Projecting Your Authentic Self
“So many women just don’t know how great they really are. They come to us all vogue outside and vague on the inside.”
Mary Kay Ash (American Businesswoman and Founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, Inc.; May 12th, 1918 ~ November 22nd, 2001)
“Few women know how great they really are. If truth were told, we’d all probably admit to feeling pretty vague about our personal appearance. Many of us would like to trade ourselves in for a sleeker version.”
“…flip through the catalogs. Cut out the pictures of the women you think are attractive and the clothing you’d love to wear.”
“Always remember that dreams–your creative visualizations–must come before their physical manifestations.”
“Create a collage of your ideal woman: find the perfect hairstyle, put together a fantastic wardrobe for home and work.”
“Since you have embarked on this adventure to awaken your authenticity and discover your own sense of style, be willing not to buy another item of clothing unless you absolutely cannot live without it. No more settling for something that’s not you or that’s second-rate.”
“Let the potent power of simplicity begin to work in your life. If it’s not authentically you, live without it.”
“Before my story began…” (Heather 3-9-22)
1972 Me…at my Aunt Carrie’s Baby Shower
“This such a hard space for me to unfold. I have always been in a financial way that to buy myself anything for my wardrobe never went beyond the next racing t-shirt or sweat pants for my work. I feel like I have no sense of my own style and really don’t even no where to begin. My wardrobe has not evolved in over 20-25 years…UGH! I need to save money and hire a stylist to help me find that part of me.” (Heather Houston 3-9-22)
“I yearn to find my authentic style. One that is fusion for my busy life. I want classy, practical, sporty and elegant…LOL! Sounds like am impossible task. However, as a 2-Spirit woman, I believe I can find what works for me. I am in my birthday month and plan to get at least one item I must have.” (Heather Houston 3-9-26)
–Ban Breathnach, Sarah. “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy”. Grand Central Publishing. (1976). Kindle Page 76-77 of 501.
I challenge each of you on this blog series to post comments so we all can grow together.
My Distilled Life 